Pendulum
by Cybu
Summary: Klaus must make the most difficult decision of his life...but what will he ultimately choose?


She should have seen this coming for a long time. His countenance grew more and more melancholy, and he said every _I love you_ as though it were his last. Whenever she asked what was wrong with him, he'd only run his lips up along her neck, whispering the word _selfish_ as though she couldn't hear him.

And then he'd be coming around less and less. Every evening she'd eagerly set the table for tea for two, but one cup would remain untouched. With a sad sigh she'd drink his cup too and wash the dishes by herself. All the bitter sweets she'd set aside for him would go back into the fridge, and she'd go to bed one more night without a sweet kiss goodnight.

Whenever she'd confront him the next morning, he would use the guise as work to be his excuse. It was one she could believe; crumpled papers would litter his typically immaculate floor. Either he really was on the verge of some sort of breakthrough or…something else was wrong.

"Are you ill?" Minori asked worriedly one lunch when she'd stopped by to drop some fresh roses for his desk, blue, his favorites. She'd put a hand to his forehead, as though that would automatically diagnose him. She wasn't far off the mark, as his forehead was burning hot. "Klaus you are ill! Your work is important but…is it so important that you let yourself get hurt?" Before he could even utter a word she'd wrenched him away from his desk and forced him into his bed. His mouth was pressed into a firm line, devoid of any of his wry jokes. "Klaus, you're hiding something from me."

"Minori…I'm fine. I have medicine from Marian. Just...leave me be."

"Klaus?" She looked so crestfallen that the man had to avert his gaze.

"I—I'm working on a special fragrance for you, you see," he said, mustering a horribly fake smile. With a sad smile he reached up to tap her cheek, and she tried to return his smile. "Come, smile for me and I'll feel all better," he teased and winced when she glared at him.

"I don't want you to make yourself ill for me, Klaus," she insisted, and threw a nasty glare at his desk, as though it were responsible for her boyfriend's current state. "Please, relax?"

He tapped her cheek once more and let out a burdened sigh. "Minori…I can take care of myself, I promise to eat and take my medicine in time just please…leave me be until I come to see you. Please?"

It was a strange request but…if that was what he wanted, then she wouldn't question it. He must have his reasons, if he was acting so irresponsibly. "Alright," she said quietly and kissed his lips gently, fever be damned. "I'll leave the medicine on the table. I love you Klaus," she told him, as though it were a reminder.

"And I you," he dared to return. Like the selfish man he was, he indulged in just looking at her as she left him to his own devices.

Perhaps what Klaus was doing was too cruel. He should allow her a clean break; an opportunity to forget him and everything he came with. He'd dragged her down with his baggage long enough. And yet he couldn't resist creating one last memento. The man convinced himself that it would be a thank you, for everything she'd done for him. One measly bottle of perfume couldn't do that…maybe this was for him more than for him. Selfish as always.

Would a gift make parting any easier? He'd finally managed to get her to stop seeing him at all, but how long would that last? Surely he'd hurt her just for telling her to leave him be, in the name of work. His heart cried for her when he saw the sadness in her eyes…he despises himself for putting it in there.

It was all for the best though, he told himself. Soon enough she'd be free of him and find someone that would at least be half her worth. He'd had his indulgences; truly, he was shocked that he was ever the object of her affections.

He shouldn't have ever confessed to her. He shouldn't have cradled her head to his chest and spilled out his heart to her. He should have steeled himself harder, reinforce all of his defenses against her lovely, wonderful, perfect self. How could he? The smile that greeted him every day as she'd come armed with tea, or god forbid; bouillabaisse.

"How did you know?" he'd asked Minori when he'd abandoned his work for the sake of scarfing down a fresh helping of his favorite dish.

With a sweet smile she tapped her nose, as though keeping it a secret. Not a second later she'd revealed that she'd simply asked Raeger what he liked the most. He'd laughed, almost choking on his food, and invited her to join him. He'd insisted on sharing, and even was so bold as to feed her from his own plate. The soup was running down her lip, and before he knew it, he'd leaned over to lick it off; and thus stolen her very first kiss. It was fine, she'd insisted, considering they were going steady. Though it wasn't the typical picturesque setting, she'd said it made her happier than if it were.

From that day on, the dish was definitely cemented to be his favorite. She'd bring him as much as he wanted and he felt he was on cloud nine.

Nowadays, he couldn't even bear to see its name on the menu.

Just eating anything seemed like too much of a struggle. He'd open the pantry to see sweets, and his stomach hurt to think of all of the dark chocolate treats she'd prepared, just for him. His fridge held leftover bouillabaisse.

His house held her traces wherever he looked. His vase was full of blue roses from her, there were her hairs on his pillowcase from when she'd sleep over….and engage in other activities. He shuddered. Someone pure like her, and he'd tainted her with his selfishness and lust. Another pang of guilt as he'd opened his dresser to find underwear she'd left behind. His home…could he call it his own? It was like the home of a couple…a couple that shouldn't be.

But it would all be over soon, he thought with great determination. His heart wavered enough for a tear to slide down his cheeks and into the bottle he held. White; pure like her. "It's tainted," he growled, tempted to lob the bottle over his shoulder and just give up entirely. Why, why couldn't he just keep away from her. This present…it would be his last act of selfishness. With a sigh and a heart full of lead, he left his house on his memorized path to her house.

The winter was harsh to him, as though it were telling him to go back. He didn't need Mother Nature telling him that he shouldn't do this; his heart was screaming for him to stop this as it is. But he couldn't do this to her any longer. Why would he burden a young girl like her with a fussy old man like him? No, someone like Raeger would be a much better fit. The moment he set foot on her farm, the symbol of how hard she's worked since her arrival, his sweetheart sprinted across the field and bounced into his arms. Since this was a rather common occurrence between the two, his reflexes were fast enough to wrangle his precious princess.

"Klaus!" She beamed and flung her arms around his neck. "I missed you so much!" Not a hint of anger was in her face, and she kissed him so fervently his resolution was soundly shaken.

"As I—I, erm, is that so? Surely it hasn't been so long," Klaus forced a nonchalant tone, and she looked like he'd stung Minori. It felt like years to him, he wanted to say. Cutting her out of his daily life was the hardest thing he'd had to do in the past decade, at the very least. Even confessing his love was easier than everything he'd resolved to do.

Her grip on him loosened and she shuffled her feet. "Well we…we always spend time together so it felt like a long time to me. Maybe I'm just too used to having you around, haha." There was a blush on her face and she was looking down awkwardly. May god strike him down for that…Feigning coldness, hurting her, wouldn't it be better to remain by her side? Didn't she hate him by now? He was being the worst boyfriend he could be.

"Perhaps it would be better if we…if we stopped spending so much time together, overall." He wrenched out each word out of his mouth with torrents of pain framing his sentence. She stared at him for a few moments, although they felt like hours to him…And then she shook her head.

"Klaus," she whispered, understanding what he was trying to say.

"Minori," he caressed her cheek, as though coaxing her into agreeing with his decision. "Listen to me—"

"I don't want to," she said firmly and stepped back from him. "You—you're not feeling well. You're overworked. You're not thinking straight."

And that's where she was wrong for once. It hurt as she parted from him, but it was best that she's separated. He couldn't hold her in his arms and break her heart. God, he missed her warmth so much. "But for once…I am." Or almost, he added, as the lump in his coat felt heavier than ever. "Minori, I can't do this to you."

"That's right," she assented. "You can't, and that's why you're going to come inside and have tea and—"

"Minori…."

"Klaus!" She suddenly clasped his hands in hers and tried to drag him along, using her newfound strength to tow him along. But Klaus wouldn't budge…too much.

"Minori, this is for the best. I want what's best for you, Minori. Nothing more." His voice beseeched her to understand, to let him go, to just see his way. But she wasn't having it.

"How do you know? How do you know it's for the best? Klaus I'm not a child, you can't just make decisions for me, okay? You can't…you can't treat me like a child."

"And I'm afraid I can't do that. Minori, I want to protect you from everything…including myself." Was she finally able to see? That she would be much happier without an overbearing, fussy old man. She had her youth ahead of her, waiting with wide open arms. He had nothing to offer, other than stealing her away.

"You need to stop thinking like that Klaus. I love you, I chose you to be with me. No one else." She pressed his fingers to her lips, and he shuddered involuntarily.

"Minori," Klaus said her name like a final plea, "If I allow to let this go any longer, I will hate myself. I can't look in the mirror without feeling guilt burning into my bones." He pried his fingers away from her, and breathed out a shaky sigh. "Please," he choked out.

Minori looked at him with a long hard stare, and turned around. She clenched her hands into fists and spoke slowly and deliberately. "So that's why you'd been avoiding me. That's why you bailed on spending time with me. You lied about your work to me to keep me away. I saw Iris, you know. At your house. I wondered, why she wasn't interfering your work."

"She's always been a friend, and you know that Minori," he countered. Although he wasn't willing to raise himself in her eyes, the last thing he would ever want her to believe was that he'd left her for another woman. That was a pain he didn't wish to inflict upon her ever, and he would kill any other man that would.

"Of course," Minori said, a hint of cynicism trickling into her words. "Klaus, why didn't you just tell me?" 

"I…I don't know. I've tainted you enough as it is…"

"Tainted me?" Minori scoffed, turning around with teary eyes. "What do I seem to you, a saint?"

"You are no less than one."

"No, I'm a _child_ to you. That's why you weren't direct with me. You think you needed to be all indirect about this, but really you were acting like a kid, Klaus, it was you. You say you're just an old man, but you're a child. Y-you couldn't even trust me that much?" Sobs started to permeate her words and Klaus couldn't fight his instinct to embrace her. Every fiber of his being wanted to take it all back and to promise her forever, but he couldn't live himself if he turned back now. "Maybe you're right. Maybe we can't go anywhere like this."

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, although all the apologies in the world couldn't do anything for her then.

"You hurt me Klaus. You should have just told me. I wasn't…I wasn't going to force you. This…your behavior hurt me more than anything." And it was then when he realized that what he did was terribly, terribly wrong and everything she spoke was true. He'd committed a larger sin, when he'd put forth so much effort into atonement. It seemed the serpent slithering near his heart has sunk its fangs too deep; he was making blunder after blunder.

"I…I should take my leave," he said finally, just as the sun was beginning to set. The woman raised her head from his chest, with a look on her face he'd never seen before. He'd seen her sorrow, he'd seen her anger…but he'd never seen her bitterness. An icy cold that wasn't a result of the snow surrounding them. And it chilled him inside in a way that made him want to vomit…he'd blackened something so white, so pure.

"Wait Klaus," she'd fisted her fingers inside his sleeve, as she was habitually prone to. "One…one more?" A hint of the Minori he loved so much flickered in her eyes, and he could do nothing but nod.

His lips met with hers for one last kiss. It was desperate, the way their mouths moved together, and a warm respite from the cold that surrounded them. It was hungry, searching for something that couldn't be given, and yet slow….seeking to hold on to the tenderness that was left, reluctant to give up on a wonderful love. He held her tightly, his lovely princess that he'd promised to cherish. He still would, but only from a distance.

"I'll always love you, Minori," he said, once they'd finally parted. He stroked her hair in familiar strokes, wishing that he could stop time and just continue touching her without any worries.

With a sad smile, she returned his sentiment. "Always," she whispered, voice thick with tears. "You should get back to your work."

But before he did that…he took out the bottle of perfume, perfected for her and etched with her namesake. "Please," he pressed the bottle into her hand and her eyes widened with understanding.

"Don't Klaus, don't—"

"Please," the man begged, requesting her to allow one more selfish act. "As a token that I did care for you." He closed her fingers over the present until she accepted it. She couldn't bear to look at him any longer and he left, wordlessly. He wished his legs worked faster; he heard her sob before she even made it to her house. The sounds of her animals gave him the small comfort that they would be with her, but it did not stop him from wanting to sink into the ground.

It was over. Just like that. Sweet, forgiving Minori…and he lead her around in circles like this. She was correct, he was the one engaging in childish behavior. She deserved nothing but the truth from him, after all he was putting her through. He somehow made his way back to the forest path and bumped shoulders with someone. Too weary to even see who it was, he kept walking, but the man he ran into wished to exchange pleasantries.

"Hey, Klaus!" Raeger waved cheerfully, his face pink from the cold. He was wrapped up to his mouth with a scarf, and his words were barely audible. "Not supposed to tell ya, but, Minori wanted me to give her some more recipes. I think she's worried you're tired of bouilla—hey where are you going? Are you okay, Klaus?"

Klaus sped up his pace, wiping his eyes with his sleeves. He told himself that he would hold it in but he couldn't he absolutely couldn't.

It wasn't until he'd almost gone out of the woods when he realized that he would succumb after all. He ran, all grace be damned back to her farm. He would take everything back. He would work hard to be the man she deserved. But god damn it all, he wouldn't let her go, he couldn't let her go.

He wasn't expecting to meet an obstacle when he'd reached her soil; a right hook to his jaw sent him flying backwards and looking at a circle of stars above his head. Up above him was Raeger staring at him with more sadness than anger. "I—" Klaus couldn't say anything.

"You broke her heart, and you're here to rub in the salt. Klaus, I have great respect for you, but I didn't think you'd do something like this to Minori. How could you?"

"I'm here to—"

"Leave it," Raeger said coolly, running his fingers through his hair. "I'll see you later." With a recipe book underneath his arm he marched away, not giving the older man a chance to speak. Although he'd hoped Raeger would respect his elders more, that blow did a great deal to his head. Slowly, he rose. And he knew then what he what to do; and this time he would stick with the decision come hell or high water.

He only wished he'd seen it sooner.

He was a terrible, terrible man.


End file.
